5 Irish Jokes

1. Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern

and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.

The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish.

The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.

The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."

The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
2.

A guy walks into an Irish Pub in Boston, and takes a seat at the bar, next to two patrons, who had been sitting a while, with the drink in hand. He couldn't help but hear the conversation going on beside him, nor could he help but be intrigued.

One of the fellas, looked at the other and said.

"I'm from Ireland, you know."

The other looked over at him, and took a swig of whiskey, and said, "You don't say?"

The man shook his head with pride, "From Dublin."
3. Why does it take five Irishmen to change a lightbulb? One to change the bulb. Four to remark about how grand the old bulb was.
4. Jimmy-Joe's attempt on Mount Everest was a valiant effort, but it failed:

He ran out of scaffolding.
5. WHAT IS AN IRISHMAN

An Irishman is a man who?

May not believe there is a God,
but is darn sure of the infallibility of the Pope...
Won't eat meat on Friday,
but will drink Jameson for breakfast.....
Has great respect for the truth,
he uses in emergencies...
Sees things not as they are
but the way they never will be.....
Cries at sad movies,
but cheers in battle....
Hates the English,
but reserves his cruelty for countryman....
Gets more Irish the further he gets from Ireland.....
Believes in civil rights,
but not in his neighborhood...
Believes to forgive is divine,
therefore doesn't exercise it himself....
Loves religion for its own sake,
but also because it makes it so
inconvenient for his neighbors....
Scorns money,
but worships those who have it...
Considers any Irishman who
achieves success to be a traitor...